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Open Heart Jutsu
2/15/2020
Hi elites,
 
I see you.  I’m glad we’re still here, like ghosts occupying a curious little town. My heart isn’t well tonight. I’m thinking about love and life and these thoughts steal my joy as they often do. But, I didn’t come to lay out my misery. I came because I  also thought about James and I don’t know how to reach him anymore. I’m not sure he wants anything to do with me anymore. The good thing about me is I’ve got nothing to lose, ever. So I’ll write to him here in hopes he might see it some day. It’ll be like standing on a rooftop, professing at the top of my lungs: James, I’m sorry if I ever hurt you or pushed you away. It was a reflection of how uncomfortable I was with myself. I’ve always appreciated your friendship. I think of you, but sometimes your memory is hard to bear. I hope you’ve gotten everything you wanted and that life has blessed you with surprises you never  imagined you would have. If not, I wish it for you. I wish you the world, the sun and the moon. 
 I finally made it to Florida in 2018 on a work trip. We went to Disney World. That place is ridiculously huge, it might as well be its own city. I met Cinderella, my favorite princess.  When she hugged me, I cried tears of joy in her arms. I told her I was 24 years old and embarrassed.  I got to go to a Walmart outside of Disney one night. I love Florida and I would love to live there some day during winters. Or, another tropical place might suit my fancy. Where I’m living  right now, many of our Canadian seniors run away during winter to Florida. 
I went far enough writing articles. I got a paying job last year at a local magazine (finally!). Granted, I had to pump out business advice I knew  nothing about at minimum wage, but it was great to get paid to write. Listen, don’t trust these blogs and magazines giving you lists of tips on wealth and health. They’re written by regular joes who take ideas from other lists about the same thing. So, the realities of the journalism industry hit me and I no longer want anything to do with it. Luckily, I’ve got other career interests. 
 That being said, I’m writing poetry. You could have read some of it on my instagram, which was recently deleted in a fit of rage. I regret that. But I finally got published last January, and I’m continuing to submit poems and short stories to publications. 
My definition of Love remains the same: a state of mind, with different degrees and a feeling that comes in a variety of flavours. I will always love you. 
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