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The Dream of the Butterfly Chapter One (Preview)
7/02/2013

                The Etsuo's house is quiet on this night; a slight breeze brings a chill and a bit of snow. The people of Ōsakagakugei rest for the night and prepare for the next day. Their small one floor house with only the essentials is perfect for the money that Chou gets from her job as a waitress. Since their father was killed after getting hit by a speeding car and their mother died of cancer just two years earlier, she was forced to take care of her little brother, Daichi. However their neighborhood is not exactly the best to live. The noise of screeching wheels wakes Daichi from his slumber. He walked down the hall towards the bathroom and noticed his sister’s bedroom door was open and the light was on. Daichi looked into his sister's room expecting to see his sister asleep at her desk like he had many other nights before, but was greeted with an absence of his sister completely. Only a single scrap of paper lie upon her bed. Daichi picked it up and read...

 

Dear Daichi,

I'm sorry to leave you with only this note to say good bye, but there was something urgent and you may never see me again. I want you to sell the house and everything inside of it. We have no other relatives so you will have to go to the orphanage until you find a place to stay.

Your sister, Chou.

 

"Where could she have gone?"

 

Daichi searched all throughout the house for any trace of his sister, eventually going outside and calling for her.

 

"Chou?! Chou! Chou!!"

 

He screamed and screamed for her, but to no avail. With each scream, the next became more and more drowned out by the sounds of his sobbing. Daichi, on his knees, calls the police and they search the area. Without any clues or leads, they decided that Chou had committed suicide, or just ran away from the city. Days passed and the police kept searching, but found nothing.

 

"I'm sorry kid but your sister is nowhere to be found and we can't find her body. She probably just went to a different part of Japan."

"No! My sister would never do something like that!"

"We can't keep using our resources on a lost cause, I will have the officers keep an eye out, but I'm closing the investigation. I’m not going to let you live alone, up to now I only let you stay at your house in case Cou came back. Some people from the orphanage will come by your place to pick up your belongings."

 

                As quickly as their search started, the police closed the case. On the verge of tears, Daichi stormed out of the police station and was greeted by his childhood friend. Unlike Daichi, Eri was not incredibly intelligent and struggled through school his whole life however, he was athletic.

 

"Daichi..."

"Eri, what are you doing here?"

"Some of my friends that didn't drop out of high school heard that your sister went missing. I was worried and went over to your house and you weren't there. You weren't at the orphanage and you don't have anywhere else to go..."

"I still can't believe that you dropped out."

"I was failing miserably; I was not going to pass anyway."

"Didn't your parents kick you out?"

"Yeah, but I manage to keep living. I find work where I can, but enough about me, what is this whole thing with your sister about?"

"I found a not in my sister's room late at night last week, it said that I will never see her again."

"What reason would your sister have to leave all of the sudden?"

"None that I am aware of."

"Well as long as you are alright, my worst fears are put at rest. If I hear anything, I will let you know."

"Thank you Eri."

Note:

The first few chapters will be a little short since they are just introducing the characters.

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  • icon
    TheAwsome
    Perfect I look forward to it!
    7/03/2013
  • icon
    FunnyCop +1
    Thank you, the second and third chapters will have the pleasures of adding more depth to the characters, detail of the city, and auxiliary characters as well as introduce more of the plot. I will also change the writing style a bit. For anybody that wants to know, after I post the second and third chapters, I will write the first half of the book (essentially Act I) and post it to my blog. When the second half (Act II) is done, I will post the whole book on the forums and my blog.
    7/02/2013
  • icon
    TheAwsome
    Hmm I like the idea but this is a skeleton at the moment. You need to add muscles on the frame by that more details. Like after his sister went missing you should describe briefly how he changed as a person in that orphanage.(This way we understand him more you know get attached.) And try to put time in order I'm not sure what is happening fully cause I don't know the time frame.But I love these kind stories and it's looking great so far.
    7/02/2013
  • icon
    FunnyCop
    I'm hoping not to describe a lot so that I can leave more to the reader's imagination and I think doing so would help immerse the reader just a little bit more. But you are right, I need to describe the town and facial expressions. I just want to avoid the "With a smirk on his face, SoAndSo said:" because it sounds cheesy and cliched. If there is no way around it I will have to just deal with it.
    7/02/2013
  • icon
    complex
    Hi. It would be great if you could do a description of the neighborhood in 1-2 sentences, then have a transition sentence that leads to 'the noise of..'. Also, how about describing Daichi's facial expressions, emotions, and thoughts? I think you could describe the scenes a bit more. Even though your first chapters will be short, in my opinion the story goes rather fast. But I like it, and will continue reading.
    7/02/2013
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